The SKWAWKBOX’s spies are everywhere. Theresa May was allegedly called to the Palace this morning for a special audience with the Queen. A transcript of this conversation between the two has just come in from an equerry who has asked to remain anonymous.
HMQ: One does feel that the old place could do with a bit of a facelift. Lick of paint, run the old Carpet Doctor over the Persians and all that. But £369 million? What about the public finances?
PM: Public finances, ma’am?
HMQ: Yes, austerity – tightening our belt, living within our means. We’re all in it together.
PM: Oh, that, ma’am! Oh, that’s just a load of old bollocks we tell the plebs.
HMQ: Oh? But what about the 120,000 children one hears will be homeless this Christmas?
PM: What about them, ma’am?
HMQ: What about them?! You mean we can afford £369 million down Carpetright…
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